Clancy Wiggum quotes

Wiggum: Hit me with more of that silly slush
Marge: Chief don't you think you had enough
Wiggum: I'm fine look I can put my gun to my nose
Marge gasps
Wiggum: oh don't worry I'm the pief of chelice. I mean I'm the beef with no cheese. (starts crying) Why doesn't Lou like me? Why?

Chief Wiggum: [sees Fat Tony and his mobsters dragging a body wrapped in a sheet to the lake] Uh sorry, sorry, no dumping in the lake!

Fat Tony: Fine, I will put my *yard trimmings* in a car compactor.
[he and the mobsters walk off with the body]

Lou: Uh, Chief, I think there was a dead body in there.

Chief Wiggum: I thought that too, until he said yard trimmings. You gotta learn to listen, Lou.

Chief Wiggum: Homer Simpson, you're under arrest for attempted murder.
Homer Simpson: D'OH!
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, that's what they all say. They all say "d'oh".

Eddie: [after Wiggum wakes suddenly from his surrealistic dream] I had an idea, chief. Why don't we check out the suit that Burns was wearing?
Chief Wiggum: Did you have the same backwards-talking dream with the flaming cards?
Eddie: ...I'll drive.

Lisa Simpson: See? You are a good cop!
Chief Wiggum: Ah, you're just saying that.
Lisa Simpson: Yes, I am.

Lisa: Enjoy Bob Saget.
Chief Wiggum: That's Bob Seger.
[looks at his tickets]
Chief Wiggum: Dang it!

See ya in court, Simpson. Oh, and bring that evidence with ya, otherwise, I got no case and you'll go scot-free.

Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the ... uh ... what cures cancer?

I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn

Milhouse: I can't go to juvie! They use guys like me as currency!
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, they'll pass you around like... like currency, like you said.